Between The Cushions (A play in two acts)

A room

I

Why are you on the floor?
I’m looking for god
On the floor?
Yes on the floor!
May I ask why?
Let me ask you this, where would you look?
Good Point
Did you try the ceiling? That would make the most sense
Yep, couldn’t find him, just made pictures with the brush strokes
Yeah, used to do that when I was a kid
Will you get off the floor for chrissake?
Didn’t I just tell you why I’m on the floor?
Yes
Well isn’t that a good enough reason? I mean its god we’re talking about here
I suppose your right, in theory
Damn straight I’m right
Now look here-
Are you trying to sway me from finding god? Are you Satan?
Yeah can’t you see my horns?
Take off your hat
No
Who are you anyway?
A man
Aren’t we all?
Yeah, unless you’re a woman, then you’re a woman
I see your logic
So what do you think god looks like?
Well, a lot of people say he has a beard
Yeah, a lot of people say a lot of things
You got a point there; I heard someone said he was black
No Shit
Yeah, people, huh?
Fucking People alright, always making judgments
Don’t move, your about to step on god
That’s a cockroach
Like you said, how do I know what god looks like
That’s a cockroach
I’m just trying to keep on open mind here
Why are you looking for god anyway?
Just wanna talk to him I suppose?
About what?
Stuff
Stuff?
Yeah Stuff
What stuff?
A lot of stuff
If you say stuff one more time
A lot I wont say stuff
You just said stuff!
I said I was going to stop saying stuff!
You said it again!
Ok, Jesus tap dancing Christ, calm down
In my profession, everyone always repeats themselves and I can’t take it much longer
What do you do?
Stuff.

II

Same room

I see you’ve moved to the chair
Yep, maybe someone dropped god in-between the cushions
Aren’t you referring to money?
Money, god, same stuff
Are you going to start that again?
What?
Nevermind, keep looking for god in the seat cushions
I intend to
I mean in all honesty, what do you want to accomplish by that?
Isn’t that what we all strive for?
Wait, are we talking about money or god here? I lost my train of thought
Good Question, Anyway…
I mean if your looking for god, wouldn’t a better place be somewhere more…well….
More what?
I don’t know how to explain it
Exactly
But how do you know god even exists?
They told me
They?
They
And you’re going to believe that?
Why would they lie?
Money, power, lots of things
Well I have faith
I can tell
Was that an insult?
No
Why don’t you just leave me alone to my investigation?
What else am I supposed to do then?
I don’t care, go sit
You’re looking for money in the bloody chair
God
Yeah, that
You didn’t answer my question
Go, read a magazine
Sorry I’m not interested in Teen Fashion
Well I’m sorry you are so interested in my search
Well I find it intriguing that someone would search here
Why is this place so different than any other place? You tell me where to look
What about a church?
Why would god be in a church?
Well you know, people worshipping his every word, priests, the body and blood of his only son…
Do you really think god wants to see sculptures of his son being crucified and people eating his body and blood
That is a good point…
Or people singing in monotonous voices?
So maybe church isn’t the best place
You just gotta think sometimes, that’s all
Well I was thinking
No you were thinking, you weren’t thinking
What the hell is the difference between thinking and thinking?
Think about it
I’m going to strangle you
Maybe then I’ll find god
Funny
Alright, let me ask you this then, how do you know he exists?
I don’t
Then why look?
So I can find out
But what about if he doesn’t exist
I can still say I tried cant I?
But doesn’t that mean you wasted all that time
It depends how you look at it I guess
Like if the glass is half full or half empty
I see it empty or full
But the point it’s that it’s in the middle
I see it empty or full
Fair enough, so what are you doing here exactly?
Waiting
What are you waiting for?
Guess
You better not say Godot
Godot?
Nevermind
Guess
Um…I don’t know
Good Guess
Wait, what?
I don’t know what I’m waiting for
Hey look a quarter!
No, that’s god